Torque Quest

Torque Quest is a point and click game by some Spanish guys with writing so painfully unfunny that I had to quit  after about thirty minutes.  I have my limits, and this crossed them.  In the campaign mode almost every single line of dialog I encountered involved either the main character wanting to fuck everything, talking about how fuckable something was, or getting drunk.  This is a 13-year-old’s idea of humor.  I almost feel a little embarrassed for the developers.  Every line is so cringe worthy and stupid that I literally winced in shame.  It’s not even well written.  I guess when the joke is “the dude wants to fuck the tailpipe of a car” it’s supposed to speak for itself.  All it speaks to me is that any guy who would write this kind of dialog likely wouldn’t know actual pussy if it sat on his face and wiggled.

What is actually supposed to be funny here?  Oooh, there’s Cthulhu!  Look at him, doing something totally un-Cthulhu like.  Fucking hilarious!  Um, no.  It’s a joke that got tired about halfway through Cthulhu Saves the World you talentless, unoriginal cunts.  And in case that doesn’t make you laugh (it won’t), let’s call stuff “gay” and talk about cumming on things.  Oh oh oh, I got one, let’s talk about male cats raping each other.  That shit’s fucking gold baby, gold!  It’s all right there in Torque Quest, the most unfunny thing in the entirety of human existence.  You’re off the hook, Dave Coulier.

Torque Quest was developed by varga

80 Microsoft Points said to the developers “ustedes no tienen talento!” in the making of this review.

Follow me on Twitter and Facebook for a chance to win 1600 Microsoft Points.  Click here for details.