Millennium Man

Millennium Man is a 2D platform-puzzler where you play as a dude trying to escape from jail.  The gimmick here is that you have the ability to manipulate time.  It’s an idea that’s been done before, but never quite like this.  At least I don’t think so. I’m sure there will be tons of lifeless douchebags lining up to correct me on that.*

There are ten stages and the object of each is to simply get to the door.  However, the door is often blocked or inaccessible.   This is where  the time gimmick comes into play.  Using the X button, you open up the time device which you can then shift back and forth until the terrain is altered.  It’s kind of like The Time Machine, just without the Morlocks.

Going off the screen-shots, I didn’t expect much from Millennium Man.  It looks like it was drawn using Kid Pix.  And while the gimmick is used decently, my suspicions were mostly correct.  The puzzles are very basic in design, so much so that what’s here feels more like a tutorial.  Given that the whole game takes about fifteen minutes to complete, I think I might be on to something there.  Everything here seems like it’s in an embryonic stage of development.

The graphics are bland, but the real problem was the play control.  This is a platformer, after all.  And once again, we have a game that needed the precision of the digital pad but failed to map to it.  Instead, the analog stick controls everything, and that’s a major flaw.  Without actual analog controls, it makes movement feel slippery and inaccurate.  The jumping is also way off.  The physics are a touch on the floaty side, while some platforms are needlessly placed at the maximum allotted distance, allowing no room for error.

The idea behind Millennium Man feels like the basis for a great game.  Witnessing the environmental changes happen while paused mid-jump is a wonderful thrill.  The final jumping puzzle of the game might be my favorite one yet of any indie game.  And yet all the problems are too much to ignore.  This is under cooked pork.  It’s palatable but you could get worms from it.   Even the control bits don’t up the difficulty here.  You should breeze through the puzzles.  And if you don’t, I’ve included a handy FAQ for Millennium Man.

Q: How do I beat this puzzle in Millennium Man?

A: The average six-year old should be able to beat every puzzle in Millennium Man, Trailer Park King, or Tourist Trap.  If you can’t figure these out on your own, perhaps you should go smoke the tailpipe of your own car because you are officially a Paris Hilton-level functional retard.

Millennium Man was developed by Fixed-Point Consulting LLC

80 Microsoft Points thought Jeremy Irons was sexy as the king of the Morlocks in the making of this review.

*Not everyone who points out every little mistake made in my reviews are lifeless douchebags.  Some of you are mere losers while others just need to get laid.