bumblepig

bumblepig by Kindling Games is perhaps the oddest challenge I’ve received from a developer yet.  I feel like I’m firmly outside it’s target demographic.  It plays sort of like a vertical shooter mixed with Rainbow Brite.  You’re a flying pig-bee thing that has to gather pollen balls and spread them on various flowers to spread color to the land and make pocket change to decorate yourself in various get ups.  Maybe I should be wearing PJs and have my hair in pigtails for this one.

For 80% of the game, things feel very Nickelodeonish.  You can carry two different pollen balls at once and you must shake them over flowers with the trigger buttons.  There’s a color mixing system in place here.  For example, if you sprinkle red pollen on a blue flower, the petals will be purple.  Creating five of the same color in a row makes your money meter fill up faster, which causes the flowers to spit out higher-valued coins.  The object of the game is to collect enough money to unlock the next stage.  There are fifteen stages, twelve of which are cakewalks.  The final three enter bullet-hell territory, which is a little jarring.  Every time a bug flies into you, it drops your meter down, decreasing the value of the coins you can collect.   If you want an extra challenge you can switch to nighttime, which features more bugs and limited visibility.  Like a retirement home hooker.

I have to be honest: bumblepig bored me stiff.  I don’t think anyone over the age of seven would really like it too much.  It looks fine and it controls well, but it’s just so vanilla ice cream.  Kids might like it.  Maybe.  Don’t quote me on that.  If you’re a parent and you buy this for your child I’m not responsible if they snap and murder you by shoving crayons up your ass.  That doesn’t sound lethal?  What if I told you the crayons were.. wait for it.. MADE IN CHINA!  Muwahaha!  Enjoy your wax-lead enema, mom!

bumblepig was developed by Kindling Games

80 Microsoft Points watched The Wuzzles as children too in the making of this review.