The Little Mermaid (1989 NES Review)

Yea, I grew up on Little Mermaid. Even the direct to video sequel, which bored my poor parents to death, was something I couldn’t get enough of. Hell, my mother, despite her thick Cuban accent, would dance around singing Part of Your World. And yea, I had the poor man’s Ecco the Dolphin that was Little Mermaid II for the PlayStation. But, I’m here today to talk about the NES game. A few years ago, Capcom put out a “Disney Afternoon Collection” and didn’t include Little Mermaid. I’m not sure why not. There was a Little Mermaid cartoon series, after all. It wasn’t part of the Disney Afternoon, but come on. Functionally, they’re all the same deal. Cheapo cartoons meant to cash-in on Disney’s popularity with post-fetus, pre-career humans.

Since the NES game took me under half-an-hour to finish, I was going to also do the Genesis game Ariel: The Little Mermaid. Then I played it, and determined that my brain couldn’t comprehend its badness. I did LOL that you move faster than your own projectiles, making them functionally useless.

From producer Tokuro “Ghosts ‘n Goblins” Fujiwara comes a children’s game that has to be the polar opposite of that franchise. It’s tough for me to review Little Mermaid, because it’s so absurdly simple and easy that I beat it in about twenty minutes and change. It’s sort of like Bubble Bobble as an undersea non-platforming platformer adventure. Taking control of Ariel, you flip your tail to send a wave of air that captures fish in bubbles. How does that even work? Could scuba divers, in lieu of masks, have mermaids fan their tails at them? Or, there’s the obvious explanation of what’s happening: Ariel is farting at enemies. Do mermaids even have buttholes to fart? WELL, EXCUSE ME FOR CARING ABOUT THE LOGISTICS OF THIS STUFF!

That poor unfortunate soul is about to get crushed by a barrel. To the game’s credit, there’s lots of hidden stuff. To its determent, that stuff doesn’t seem to change the ending at all and there’s no incentive to get it all.

With Little Mermaid, Capcom was clearly targeting an audience that wasn’t weened on Super Mario, Castlevania, and Mega Man. I played with absolutely no caution and still plowed through the game without losing a single life. TWO close calls over five levels, with only the first version of Ursala putting up a real challenge. It’s not that I expected otherwise. I could beat Duck Tales or Rescue Rangers in my sleep, so I expected Little Mermaid to be a cinch. But, this is a whole other level of cinchiness. Taking damage doesn’t downgrade your attacks or speed. Once you fully power-up, even the biggest bad guys can be caught in bubbles and used as projectiles. Almost all the damage I took in the game was from level-based projectiles (IE volcanic rocks or sea urchins). I think maybe once in the entire game I took damage from an enemy, and that was me being lazy. Other than the level hazards, the hardest aspect of Little Mermaid was lining up bubbles to be thrown as attacks, especially during boss fights. That, and the fact that sometimes, during those boss fights, it would take a while for the basic enemies (that are essentially ammunition for Ariel) to become vulnerable to being turned into bubbles. Otherwise, this might actually be a contender for the easiest game Capcom ever produced.

The bosses are the highlight, though I’m not sure where these ideas come from. Like this evil seahorse drill sergeant. Is this a thing from the cartoon series?

A lot of people probably have rosy memories of Little Mermaid as a video game. One reader noted that it was the first game they ever beat without an adult helping them. I can believe that. The levels are very simple, with no instakill, minimum enemies, and not a lot of exploration. There’s the occasional gag, like being able to push a rock or a barrel, which is usually done to open a treasure chest and upgrade your speed or the strength of your.. um.. bubble fart. The only exception to the pathway-to-victory style of design is the fifth and final level, which is a “find the right path” maze. Even that is really simple. The trick is to go through the same door three times in a row. It’s bland, and so are the rest of the levels. They all feel like filler to get to the typically-excellent Capcom boss battles.

You go straight from fighting “normal” Ursala to the final boss, which is “giant” despite being only marginally bigger than the first fight. Don’t get me wrong: good boss and a good finale to the game, but the movie ends with the horrifying death by stabbing with a boat. Which.. yea that’s how the Jaws game ended, too. It’d been weird to end Little Mermaid the same way Jaws did, I suppose.

It’s hard to judge a game that is clearly aimed at young children. Did I have fun? Not really. Little Mermaid doesn’t give you enough time to get bored by it, but there’s really not a lot to it between the bosses. It comes down to “can I recommend this for anyone” and the answer is no, I can’t. I think they missed an opportunity by being ALL mermaid, all the time. While you’re not always in the water, the moments where you exit the sea are brief and toothless. It’d been a lot more interesting if the game switched between Ariel the Mermaid and Ariel the Human. They could have done a hybrid-style game. I’m guessing they were crunched for time, but being the mermaid all the time was too limiting. Little Mermaid is a creativity bankrupt game, and while I enjoyed the bosses, even those were baffling in their presentation and the lack of stakes attached to them. BUT, if you have little kids who are interested in Mommy or Daddy’s era of games, Little Mermaid would be an excellent game to introduce them to 2D retro gaming. Say, ages 5 to 9. Everybody else, it’s a generic but brief bore. Hey, it could be worse. It could be a two-and-a-half hour long live action remake where the seagull raps for two agonizing minutes.

The Little Mermaid is NOT Chick-Approved.

The Little Mermaid was developed by Capcom