Fatal Seduction

I’ve busted on Silver Dollar Games a few times since starting Indie Gamer Chick, but I haven’t yet reviewed one of their titles.  Oh, I’ve played a few of them, and found them all to be unmitigated pieces of shit.  The only one that I thought had any remote value was Try Not To Fart, which is absurd and unfunny but it does serve as a functional game of video Twister.

I was guessing they wouldn’t ever contact me requesting a review of one of their games.  And then came the e-mail asking me to check out Fatal Seduction.  “Well fuckberries!” I thought.  My policy is I can’t turn down a review request so I had to put on the proper manure-handling gear and plunge in.  I braced myself for what was sure to be the worst fifteen minutes of my life since I got temporarily paralyzed on the couch while watching America’s Got Talent. 

Fatal Seduction is a truly bizarre platforming game.  You play as a girl who narrates her story to a psychiatrist in a mental hospital.  The game play is incredibly simple.  Walk, double jump, stab things, or shoot fireballs at ghosts.  Meanwhile, the story is some seriously demented shit.  The girl tells the shrink that an angel has told her that she must murder all of her fathers girlfriends to prevent the Antichrist from being born.  This leads to three boss encounters with fetuses.  I’m not making that up.  Go back and read that line.  The bosses in this game are demon possessed fetuses that you must stab to death.  It’s like Rosemary’s Baby as told by Planned Parenthood.

And I seriously fucking loved it.

Oh I hated the game play.  It was boring, repetitive, poorly controlled, badly designed, and as shallow as anything else Silver Dollar Games has turned out.  But holy crap, that was a seriously captivating story.  And I don’t know who they got to do the voice acting of the girl, but standing ovation for her, the creepy little bitch.  If only they had taken this plot and given it to a studio with actual talent in game design, it might have set a new benchmark in excellence on the indie marketplace.

So yes, the actual “game” part of the game sucks, but I do recommend purchasing Fatal Seduction.  It only takes fifteen minutes to complete and the narrative more than makes up for any flaws it has.  It also might come in handy some day if you want to explain to your significant other why you don’t want to have any kids.  It can be your go-to “they could turn out creepy, like this girl” argument.  Previously I used the Olson twins.

Fatal Seduction was developed by Silver Dollar Games

80 Microsoft Points embraced contraceptive sponges in the making of this review.