MotorHEAT

MotorHEAT is my latest developer challenge, and it will likely be the last one for an older release.  Because I’ve been getting so many requests, I’ve decided to limit challenges to games released within the last six months.  That’s not a reflection on MotorHEAT’s quality, by the way.  I actually enjoyed it well enough.  I just suddenly realized that with nearly 2,000 games on the marketplace and a no-freebies policy, this could have potentially grown expensive fast, like using Fabergé eggs for BB gun practice.

So, MotorHEAT.  Curious choice by Milkstone Studios to say the least.  Racing games are usually reserved for guys.  If a girl plays one, it normally involves at least one or two Mario brothers and losing.  In my case, I’m actually a big fan of arcade style racers.  I even own a Hard Drivin’ cabinet.  So I wasn’t dreading MotorHEAT, nor should I have been.  It’s actually really fun.  For a while at least.  That’s the problem with arcade racers, they get old quickly.  That Hard Drivin’ cabinet I was talking about?  It has more cobwebs in it than the stomach of an Ethiopian.

MotorHEAT strips out all unneeded bullshit.  There’s only one car to drive.  You can customize its paint colors (I went with pink and orange just to be a total flake), but otherwise learn to live with it, because it’s all you got.  There’s also no acceleration button.  Your car cruises along at a consistent speed, with only the trigger buttons to fire off any boosters that you earn.  You get them by passing other cars as closely as possible without hitting them.  You can also pick up items, and my only major complaint is that sometimes it’s hard to tell what object off in the distance is a car and which is a goodies box.  This lead to some spectacular crashing and cussing on my part.  Ever heard the word “fuck” used five times in a single second?  I have now, and I’m ashamed of myself.

The object of the sole mode of the game is to score as many points as possible by passing other vehicles.  You’re on a timer and lose ten seconds every time you crash.  And that’s pretty much it.  I played a few rounds of it and had a good time.  Then after about thirty minutes I felt like I had played enough.  Thankfully there is an online leaderboard that I managed to land a spot on.  4196th to be exact.  Ha, take that, phathead81!  Overall, MotorHEAT feels like it would be right at home next to the latest hunting game or Fast and Furious coin-op at the local theater, and it costs the same amount to own as those do to play a single round of.  It’s certainly worth a look at.  And since it’s a download game, it can’t gather cobwebs.  That puts it one step above the vagina of a nun.

MotorHEAT was developed by Milkstone Studios

80 Microsoft Points proved that the whole “damn women drivers” stereotype is absolutely true in the making of this review.