TaleSpin (NES Review)

TaleSpin
Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System
Developed by Capcom
First Released: December 11, 1991
Included in The Disney Afternoon Collection

So, I know this is a stupid way to do screenshots, but instead of having the emulator automatically take a snapshot every second, I prefer to manually do it myself. Any time I use an emulator, I map the screenshot capture to my controller and pump the capture button as I play. Usually I take several hundred screens per game. Sometimes it’s over a thousand. I use maybe ten of them, if that, and toss the rest. For TaleSpin, I was stunned by how little action is happening in most of them. The game felt pretty intense, and yet, very few of my pics are “exciting.” 8-bit games often have that problem, but few have it as bad as TaleSpin. So, rest assured, this is a very difficult and intense game.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should note that (1) I’ve never seen a single episode of TaleSpin. It only got one season that was off the air shortly after I turned two years old, and I never saw reruns of it that I assume MUST have aired on Disney Channel at some point. Then again, I barely watched DuckTales and Rescue Rangers, either. I might as well preemptively note that I’ve never seen Darkwing Duck either, even though it got three seasons. (2) It’s been a long while since a game’s epilepsy risk was high enough that the precautions I must take stood to affect a review, but in this case, they certainly did. The larger bosses flash my specific white-strobey trigger when you damage them. I had to sit very far away from the screen and wear sunglasses, limiting my visibility, which limited my excitement in what should have been the highlights of the game. But, I didn’t want to cancel the review, since there’s still plenty of stuff to talk about in this, the second of three TaleSpin titles I’m playing in this marathon. The first one? It didn’t go so well. Despite being a different genre entirely, and by a company with a proven track record with Disney, this might be an even worse disaster. Because, TaleSpin NES is a game that SHOULD be amazing, and it’s not.

Do you see what makes this different from other shmups?

TaleSpin has one big twist in the shmup formula and one big-big-big twist. The singular big twist is that your bullets that ricochet off solid objects.. or even enemy shields.. are still live and can damage enemies. Getting the hang of taking advantage of this helps speed along several boss battles, or makes a couple sections in levels more tolerable. Of course, the big-big-big twist is that, with the press of a button, you can flip and fly upside down. The scrolling also shifts direction too, so you fly left instead of right. This allows you to shoot enemies behind you or pick-up items you missed. In theory, flipping is primarily used to prevent you from being crushed by the auto-scrolling. It’s a great idea! Of course, this all hinges on the game actually registering that you’re pressing the flip button. Sometimes TaleSpin doesn’t. Actually, quite often it doesn’t. As in it constantly, throughout the entire game, just plain refuses to work.

The upside down plane does tend to look silly.

Yea, TaleSpin has a massive problem with responsiveness. I thought it might have been tied to maybe flipping while your max bullets are on the screen, but that wasn’t it. So I was afraid maybe it was tied to movement, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Or maybe flipping again too quickly after flipping once? Nope, that doesn’t seem to be it, either. After playing through the game a second time, I’m stumped as to why sometimes the flip button straight-up doesn’t work. Sometimes SEVERAL flip button presses go unnoticed, with no rhyme or reason. The one and only common denominator seemed to be how “busy” the screen was with environmental scenery. It’s a pretty damning mechanical hiccup, and one that was universal no matter which emulator I used. This is including my copy of Disney Afternoon Collection. By far my most common form of death was being crushed by the auto-scrolling when I would be hitting the flip button and the game would be like “fill out this form and we need two forms of identification. You’ll receive your flip in 7 to 10 business days.”

The shame is, there’s some damn clever design in TaleSpin that goes to waste because of the amount of frustration the flipping generates.

So consistent was TaleSpin’s inconsistent unresponsiveness that I have no choice but to declare it a deal breaker. How can I not? I, the player, was pressing the button that SHOULD have stopped the scrolling from crushing me. Sometimes it worked and I flipped. Sometimes it didn’t, and I died. It felt completely random whether it took or not. Since TaleSpin utilizes the auto-scrolling as a primary hazard, placing items and building stages around the risk of being smooshed by the screen, having it work every time is a must have. But, there was no methodology I could spot that would have allowed me to predict when the flip wouldn’t work. Sometimes it happened in the middle of the screen when I’d position myself to shoot an enemy behind me. Sometimes I could flip multiple times in a row with no issues. Sometimes it would work when I was a fraction of a second away from death via screen. Other times, the game didn’t cooperate when I needed to flip because the combat was behind me. I’m sorry, but that’s the ballgame when it comes to a shmup. And mind you, this is a game that is shockingly difficult for a Capcom Disney title, with some very tricky patterns of enemies and projectiles to deal with. Responsiveness is paramount, and not having it should be a deal breaker for any fan of the genre.

Come on, WayForward, remake this one too. Well, provided you fix the flip first and foremost. But seriously, there’s a GREAT shmup here.

The unresponsiveness isn’t my only problem. TaleSpin hides items in completely arbitrary spots on the stages. Sometimes I’d go to shoot an enemy and, instead, the bullet would reveal one of the hidden point items, essentially shielding them. If the items had been hidden in a way where you could logic-out their locations, I would have enjoyed that a lot more. Part of me also wishes the game had done a lot more of the maze-like level layouts. I suspect that had been the plan, but Capcom caught-on to the fact that the flip button didn’t always work. There’s several areas of the game where the level design reverts back to very pedestrian layouts, which makes me think they cut something more bold.

Credit to Capcom, who knows how to do set pieces, even in a shmup.

Otherwise, the combat in general is very nice. At the start of the game, you’re only allowed to have one bullet on-screen at a time. If you miss, you have to wait for this relatively slow projectile to pass the entire length of the screen before you can shoot again. Honestly, I really liked this part. I would have been fine if there had been no upgrades to your primary weapon. It added spice to what could have been an otherwise mundane shmup. But, you can upgrade your gun twice to allow more bullets, which makes some of the spongy bosses go quicker, but it also means you can be a little more spam-happy with your bullets. And also makes them significantly more likely to trigger a seizure. For what it’s worth, those non-photosensitive among us would probably really enjoy the fights. They’re typical for the genre, but with a Disney flavor that makes them feel fresh. I have no doubt if the flipping worked every single time, I would have really loved TaleSpin. But, it didn’t, and I don’t.
Verdict: NO!