Fist Puncher
July 4, 2013 5 Comments
Dr. Karate is the fucking man. Know that now, friends and neighbors, and you’ll be hangin’ tough throughout the 2D, 8-bit, side-scrolling, beat-‘em-up glory that is Team 2Bit’s Fist Puncher.
If that first, rather lengthy, sentence isn’t a clear indication of how I feel about Fist Puncher, let me put in plainer terms: this game rocks out with its cock out. Period. Playing this game reminds me of the lazy, hazy summer of 1987, when my cousin and I discovered this new game called Double Dragon in a jam-packed arcade in Stone Harbor, NJ. We didn’t leave that machine until the place closed…and we were both about $20 poorer. It was money well spent for sure.
Oh, Dr. Karate, how I love thee. Let me count the ways…
Much like the classic Double Dragon, Fist Puncher has a pretty straightforward plot: four diverse characters, Dr. Karate, Steroid Jackson, Hella Fistgerald and the Beekeeper, are heading to the Fist Puncher Dojo for training under the tutelage of the Master. As they arrive at the dojo, the nefarious Milkman kidnaps the contestants in the Miss Fist Puncher Beauty Pageant (yeah, you read that right) and hides them in various sections of the rough-and-tumble city of San Cruces. It’s up to this ragtag band of vigilantes to find the girls and rescue them…while cracking as many skulls as humanly possible along the way.
From there, you basically just have to beat the holy shit out of every obstacle that stands before you. I know that sounds simplistic, and in some ways it is, but Fist Puncher does almost everything right and it is one helluva fun ride. First and foremost, the controls are spot on, with no noticeable lag or stickiness. Controls are paramount in this type of game where you are brawling against multiple enemies at once and need to make split-second, life-saving maneuvers on a dime. Not once when I died did I feel that the controls failed me; it was always my own damn fault. Secondly, there are a plethora of things to kick the snot out of: from regular thugs to zombies to luchadors to creepy pedo vans, the enemy diversity found in this title is rather impressive. A lot games cheap out here by re-skinning enemies, but not Fist Puncher. Thirdly, there are a vast amount of places to go (over 50 levels), items to unlock/discover/collect and character abilities to power up. And lastly, it’s all tied up with one exceptionally humorous bow. The dialogue, character names, even the sound effects (I went apeshit over the panther roar when you achieve RAGE mode) really adds another layer of enjoyment to the overall, ass-kicking experience.
Throwing down on a nude beach. That’s a new one.
The elements of Fist Puncher that I found lacking are rather minimal. The music is just OK, not terrible by any means, but not exceptional either. I was hoping for Streets of Rage 2 levels of greatness here but, alas, it just doesn’t deliver. There are also weird difficulty spikes and some overall cheapness with some of the enemy attacks (fuck those guys with the Molotov cocktails…fuck them right in their cheap bastard cornholes), but that’s almost expected, and welcomed, in this genre. My final nitpick here has to do with multiplayer. There’s a good variety offered here (up to four simultaneous players with 15 different, unlockable characters to choose from…but choose Dr. Karate because, as I mentioned previously, he’s the fucking man), but it is local multiplayer only and I don’t see this kind of mode having great success on the PC. This kind of local multiplayer mode seems much better suited for the consoles. I know Fist Puncher was originally slated to be an XBLIG (and developed with XNA tech), so maybe it will see life on the consoles at some point down the road, and then the multiplayer mode will really get to strut its stuff.
I don’t think you can make a game without fucking zombies in today’s world.
Quibbles aside, the most important thing to take away here is that playing Fist Puncher made me feel like I was 16 again. I had that much fun with it…and you can’t put a price tag on that. To me, that’s what a really great video game should do: it should make me forget that I am an adult with real world problems and issues for the 20 or so hours that I am playing it. That’s all I ever want out of an interactive entertainment experience, really.
Bravo, Team 2Bit, you’ve jumped to the head of the Indie Gamer Guy Leaderboard. Enjoy the view from the top, lads!
Fist Puncher was developed by Team 2Bit.
For $9.99, Fist Puncher will punch a hole in your soul and leave you begging for more.
Fist Puncher is available on Steam and Desura.
Fist Puncher is Indie Gamer Guy Approved, and now heads up the Leaderboard. This makes Team 2Bit the first developers to earn both the Indie Gamer Guy Seal of Approval, and the Indie Gamer Chick Seal of Approval, which they earned for Washington’s Wig on Xbox Live Indie Games. 
Indie Gamer Chick 
Funny you review this type of game, because Im in a brawler fetish on my Xbox right now. You mention good controls, so, controller support? It got different difficulty settings? The problem I got with SOR2 (my favorite is the 1st one), is that the Very Hard setting was 2 easy, like if the game was taking pity on me. I mean if you are too sweet to me I will just get bored, have to be some hardcore stuff in it. Also that sentence about “adult with problems” hinted me, you dont recommend your last game because its reminded you, that are a human being. The trick to solve that one not was in the review but in the reviewer. At last, its seems the better you like the game the better your review is… in this one you were on steroids. Try the Street Of Rage Remake for PC if you have not, my guess is you will like it.
Thanks for reading, as always. I’ve played the Streets of Rage remake and it is pretty cool. I’m also glad you liked/understood this review better.
I don’t know man….I’m partial to the Bee Keeper myself. Throwing bees at people never gets old. Either way, though great review of an awesome game. I’m not sure if you heard but they just did an update of the game that allows for gamepad and keyboard local coop so you and the chick can play together.
I live on the other side of the country from Jerry.
Thanks! And yeah, I don’t know if Cathy and I can be in the same place together just yet. That’s just too much awesome for one room to contain! There’s 3000 miles between us for a reason…