How to Stay Interested When You’ve Ran out of Words

Well, it’s that time of the year. The time where I reflect on another year of playing video games, and annoying my Twitter followers with too much pinball and basketball talk. I’ve done twelve years worth of these things, and I’ve long since passed that stage of my career where I look at my review index and say “wait.. when did I review THAT?” No, now I’m to the point where some of my most popular reviews are nearly a decade old now, themselves. The Shovel Knight review that shifted my review process firmly into introspection? That’s eight years old. My Dead Cells review? It turns five years old in October. I’ve been doing this a long time. So long that I’m FINALLY no longer “that girl who reviews XBLIGs” anymore. XBLIG has been shut down for six years now. The foundation of my entire career has been shut down for half its existence.

I’ve spent the last year with a series of big projects. I’m working on a book of reviews of golden age arcade games. I’m working on a review guide to every aspect of Pinball FX, and that one’s really fun because I get to work with my friends and especially my father and sister on it. I’m also covering a lot more classic games. I mostly focus on licensed games that haven’t been re-released since their initial publishing. It might not be “indie” gaming, but it’s what fascinates and interests me. I enjoy a lot more games than people probably realize. Especially with my lack of updates since February.

I’ve always teeter-tottered at Indie Gamer Chick between overly-active to months of inactivity. At least here, properly on the blog. On Twitter, I’m more active. I have a much more broad look at gaming these days. I fully admit, I’m overwhelmed by the amount of indie games out there. It’s astonishing and awe-inspiring, but it also makes it harder for me to find stuff to review. I play a ton of games, and I might have opinions on every game, but finding fun and entertaining ways to express those opinions I’m finding more and more challenging. I’ve called it “running out of words.”

Back in March, I got an early copy of a game called LUNARK. It’s based on 90s “cinematic platformers” like Prince of Persia, Out of this World (aka Another World), Flashback, etc. I’ve never been a fan of those types of games in a “whatever floats your boat but these just aren’t for me” sense. But, a critic absolutely should challenge themselves by playing games that not only aren’t their favorite genres, but actually the opposite of that. I had low expectations going in.

Surprise: I had a good enough time with it. It rights a lot of wrongs typical to its genre, like so many of the best indie tributes to classic games do. Developer Canari Games understood the problems inherent to the rotoscoped-style of action platformers and built the game around the strengths while minimizing the limitations, creating an experience that even people like me, who aren’t fans of the genre, can enjoy.

Here’s the thing: that’s my review in its entirety. You can see the problem. The worst thing a game review can be, besides unfair (if not outright corrupt) is boring. I try my hardest to write reviews that I would enjoy reading myself. Because of health issues, I’ve had to change my process. When I started IGC, I told people “never take notes when doing a review. That way, only the important things worth talking about stay with you.” Now, I take notes. I have to. In fact, I write the framework for the review, meaning the raw gameplay notes and the gags I intend to use, as I play. I also used to not seek a lot of help when writing. Now, my family helps me out. I don’t type as well as I used to, frankly, and they help a lot with keeping me on track. Even with those limitations, I think I’ve done my best work ever in 2022/23.

With LUNARK, I kept my notes. I replayed stages.. totally deliberately and not because I died a ton of times WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT STOP IT!!.. and started writing it. And there was a problem, because I was bored with my work. NOT THE GAME! The game was fun. I liked it. I just couldn’t translate what I enjoyed to a traditional review. I was actually not feeling physically good when I started the game, and then I ended up in the hospital for several weeks with a bowel obstruction (“you’re full of shit, sayeth your doctor!” That line from my father kills me. Love you, Daddio). Okay, maybe I just wasn’t in a mood to do reviews then.

But, nope, I couldn’t muster up an interesting review for a game that deserved a lot better than I could give it. That’s actually been a problem for me since February. Papertris? I enjoyed it. I had a LOT to say about it. I’m still struggling to get it right, though I was very enthusiastic about the game on my Twitter feed. Maybe that’s where my “work” belongs now, where I don’t have to worry about boring anyone. That’s one thing I don’t want to ever do. If I can’t have fun writing the review, I probably shouldn’t do it, regardless of how good or bad the game is.

I’m not done. In fact, I’ll be posting my first indie review here in over half a year for my anniversary. Going forward, I’m just going to have fun. And I’ll talk about games on Twitter always, even when I can’t “find the words.” Maybe I’ll start a “here’s what I’m playing now” series on this blog that gives updates to the things I’m playing. I have a full guide to Pinball FX that’s coming along really well (of course, five other people are writing it with me, which helps), and I’ve got some ideas for features.

And I’m going to try not to be mad at myself for this situation. Nobody is the same person they were twelve years ago. People know me as a game reviewer, but I’m not really. I’m a blogger who does game reviews. It’s not my job. It’s my hobby. Albeit, one that has a lot more people following it than Mom’s new hobby of learning to crochet, which she has picked up because, quote, “I’m old. I should be doing old people things now.” I tell you, you don’t know what surreal really is until you see your mother trying to knit a stocking while blasting Metallica in her ears through her phone so loud you can hear it too.

Twelve years later. I’m “running out of words” but I ain’t out of words. As my sister said, “no you’re not. You just need to sit back and learn all new ones.” She’s wise beyond her years. I don’t think I’m wise. I’m sage at best, or perhaps insightful, but not wise. I take on so many projects that I don’t finish, and one thing I want to do for this, my twelfth year, is challenge myself to go back to those abandoned works and search for the words I never found the first time around. I don’t owe it to my readers, who I cherish so much for sticking with me for twelve incredible years. No, I owe it to myself. After all, it’s my name on it.

Cathy Vice
June 30, 2023